Ex-girlfriend series (part 4)

This is where it gets deep. Me? Well I'm at this classmate's birthday party. You? You're the cousin of that very classmate. Normally, I'd just stare at you the whole night, not saying nothing to you, and go home and just think of the possibilities, especially with the way you looked. But I was a different person back then. I had the balls for a lot of things, for lack of a better word. I had the balls to dance wherever, talk however. I had the balls to do C-TV, bringing a camcorder around just in case something that needs to be caught is catched. You can call it balls. You can also call it abrasiveness. But I approached you, asked for your number. Didn't get it from you but had to get it from your cousin. We talked on the phone, built off each other's charm. Fast forward, we're at Six Flags holding hands. Fast forward, first kiss in front of classmate's house at a party. Fast forward, I visit you at school from time to time, we go to each other's formals. Fast forward, I tell my mom to drop me off at the marketplace at 7 in the morning to see you. Fast forward, my birthday party and fast forward, I get my license. Plans to go to the mall don't go according to plan. In the mood, you start to feel guilty. Why? Because people who aren't going out with each other aren't supposed to do the things that we do. And I'll be honest, as fine as you were, and as deep as we got, I was feeling a lot of new things. Turns out that making out is not the ultimate goal of a relationship. Turns out there's more. Sex becomes a very real tangible possibility and not just some abstract concept implied by obscure movie scenes. But we weren't official and therefore, inappropriate. So I asked you out, not out of will, out of pressure. But a part of me wanted to, going out as long as we did (5 months). Two weeks later, we get into some argument and I mention "hormones" and you feel like I only want you around to fulfill my sexual desires. A misunderstanding ensues and your friends don't help. And the ugly dude jockin' you doesn't want you to be with me. And the girl from (part 3) only has bad things to say about me to you. This when I found out telling people about your other is only a liability. I hear the bad news from Marius before I hear it from you. And not you in person, you in instant message box. Decided that instant message boxes don't leave room for closure. Me...your first boyfriend, and thoughts of how nice it would have been if I was your only. I messed this one up. I want to tell you...sorry that you felt like an object. I never saw you like that. I also wanted to thank you. We would have made a lot of mistakes if we were still together. And I also had a lot to learn, that I don't think I could have learned from you. I hear that you've been w/ your boy for awhile now and you fight from time to time. I wish you could see me now. You'd be so proud. Perhaps the biggest mistake of our lives and perhaps the biggest accomplishment we've ever committed. Age 16