Cha/nge/nce/ins

I want to say sorry for the lack of updates guys, but a lot of stuff has been goin on.

First off, I want to thank whoever told me to read Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson. If you can reveal yourself, you might get a cool Christmas gift. If anyone wants to know how I think, read Self-Reliance.

Second off, don't think I don't know you guys are trying to bite our style, and even if you were, you didn't do it first and you didn't do it better. But this is petty and one of the few times I'm going to write like this.

Third off, the actual blog...

"If there's anything I want to be remembered for, I want to be known for always being real. If the whole world thought I was fake (or annoying), I'd rather be the only person who knew who I was."

There's this thing I used to do back in the day. I used to have these babysitters who took care of us. But it was more than taking care of us, they hated us. And we couldn't help but feel the same way. Well, they were young so whatever was cool in pop culture was cool. They would listen to songs, I think the one song that stands out is "Next - Butta Love" and N*Sync. And because we hated them, we hated their music. It didn't matter if they were good or not, if we actually enjoyed the song. It was a matter of equation. To like what they like was to be like them, to be everything that we despised. And that's something I carried with me for my whole life. That's why I can't do karaoke or know any of the songs out right now. I can't listen to some musics if too many people enjoy it. Not everyone is called to be an individual. A lot of people are just destined to be one of the crowd, satisfied to be one of the crowd. And to listen to their music was to lose individuality. Now, if for one moment I look at myself and find out that I have lost my individuality, I'd rather die or live a life that's not worth living. But not everyone is called to do that. So that was my whole thing, to be perpetually different, never changing, always real. The people who never change are subject to one truth. They act a certain way. And what they do or say is not different from what they said or did yesterday. But the popular belief is that there is more than one truth out there. Two truths can only dispose you to contradiction, to say something that is incongruent with what you said before, to lie, to be fake. For a long time, my truth has been to keep individuality at all costs and not to become somebody without it. And that means not enjoying what a lot of people indulge in. Well, it turns out that a lot of people indulge in happiness. And that's when I become backed into a corner. To be happy means to be fake, or to be fake means to be happy. That's not always true, but a lot of people are willing to do anything to be happy. But not a lot of people do what it takes to be honest. But I realize that there has to be a change somewhere. The world needs you to be fake to survive. So for anyone out there who knows me, I apologize in advance if I don't necessarily act like I normally do. But most importantly, I apologize to myself. If I ever meet me anytime down the road, and I told me that I was fake, I am truly sorry. But I tried, I really tried.